Q: Robert, what is love?
Robert Adams: Love, happiness, peace, joy, are all your real nature. It is a feeling beyond the feeling. It is a total ineffable something that you are. It makes you know that you are one with everything. Everyone is your brother and sister. Including the flowers, the trees, the animals, the bedbugs, the cockroaches, the mountains, the sky, the sick people, the healthy people, the poor people, the rich people. When you can look at everyone with one I and not differentiate. Then you’re in love.
But when you pick out somebody special and you think that one you’re totally in love with because he or she has the right features, the right figure, the right assets that you want, this is infatuation. This only lasts for a day until you get what you want. But true love never changes. It doesn’t go away because it never came from anywhere. It’s just something that is and you are that.
Q: Please explain specific differences between love and attachment. Thank you.
Robert Adams: Attachment is something you hold onto for your own sake. Because you believe if you don’t have the thing you’re attached to you’ll have problems. You can’t live without a certain person, a certain thing. Therefore you’re totally attached to a person, place or thing yet in your sick mind you call this love. You think this is love.
Love is absolute freedom without any attachment whatsoever. Love gives, it never takes. Love is letting everything alone, not judging anybody or anything. Allowing it to unfold in its own inimitable way, this is love.
Attachment is when you’re thinking of your ego. So you make all kinds of rules and regulations in your life with people, how they must behave to you with objects, things. How they must be possessed by you and you call this love. In other words you love somebody or something because he or she or the something is doing whatever you want them to do. It’s pleasing you the way you want to be pleased. So you love that person or place or thing. It’s giving you happiness.
For instance when you buy a new car. You love that car with all your heart. You show everybody your car. You talk about your car how beautiful it drives, nice seats, the wooden panel you’ve got inside. But as soon as the car crashes you’ve changed your mind.
You have a broken car now, the car has been mashed, to pieces. Therefore you no longer love the car the same way as you did before. As a matter of fact you’re thinking of trading in the car for a new one. For the car has become old. It’s no longer beautiful as it was.
You do the same with people. When we love someone we say that we love them terribly when we first meet them. Then as time passes and we get older we wish to trade them in for a new model. This was never love, it was attachment. Therefore love is letting go and loving for its own sake. Attachment is never letting go and loving because it satisfies you, gives you something. If the something stops the love stops. That’s the difference.
~Excerpts from Robert Adams: Collected Works
Excellence Reporter 2018