R.L. Drembic: I follow my heart…

Maybe2I haven’t led a perfect life; far from it. This poem was inspired after a particularly unsettling experience that made me question my own sanity in regards to the ability to discern right from wrong and all the questions raised in response.

I try to find the path;
Many branch out in the night.
I seek the one leading to the light,
The one that will take me home.

Can I find the way?

Voices whisper from the darkness.
Some seek to ameliorate,
Many yearn to decimate.
I put my trust in one that gives hope.

Have I been deceived?

I strike out into the mists.
The voices beckon and guide.
I trip, stumble, and backslide.
Now I wonder,

Have I been twisted?

The shadowed demons:
Masters of mimicry and deception.
Did I follow the wrong perception,
Or have a chosen right?

Am I lost?

I fear the path I was so sure of,
Will it take me to salvation,
Or will it lead to damnation?
Where is a clear answer?

Have I been abandoned?

All around me,
Voices whisper their lies.
They try to demoralize,
And suffocate hope.

Am I alone?

I hold back the tears,
And, with flickering hope, I pray.
He will not leave me astray,
Surely He will save me.

How long must I wait?

Perhaps He has shown me the path.
I did believe. I want to believe
Now I seek a reprieve,
And don’t know where to find one.

Am I lost?

I cry out to the sky.
In a quavering voice,
“Tell me the right choice,
Show me the way.”

Have I been abandoned?

Were my actions those of a fool?
Have I so easily fallen to the trickery
Of those that so aptly use mimicry?
Is it this hard for others?

Am I alone?

They say the right path is not easy,
Am I making any headway?
Or have I gone astray?
I ask the heavens for the answer.

How long must I wait?

I want to be virtuous.
I fear that I am not.
Perhaps I am a crackpot,
Who cannot tell left from right.

Can I find the way?

I thought this was the straight path,
But was I a fool?
Which voice have I followed?
What damage might I have caused?

Have I been deceived?

I follow my heart.
I pray for guidance.
I want to be good,
But deeply I fear,

Have I been twisted?

The day I wrote “Have I Been Twisted?” was a dark day indeed. It was several days later, with the help of my angelic wife, that I was able to overcome my doubts and fear. With her assurances that I truly was a good man and that I was on the right path to righteousness and redemption, I reexamined my life, self, and the path I was on. In a bid to overcome the darkness of “Have I Been Twisted?”, I set out to write an uplifting and inspirational poem. This led me to realize a theory that had been in the back of my mind for some time, a concept I attempted to capture in “Step by Infuriating Step.”

I pray for salvation;
Head under water,
And fearing temptation.
A glowing hand reaches down.

I surface with unease
And regain my footing,
Pondering on the ease
Of nearly drowning close to shore.

With air in my lungs,
And light to guide me,
I take the next step
With cautious abandon.

Before me
I see the path.
It is not easy,
Filled with trials.

Continuing my climb up the mountain,
I leave the foul pond behind.
“You shall not have me today.”
But I know I must be prepared.

Having overcome the pond,
And the demon within,
I pause and turn
To assess my progress.

It has been a long hard climb
To get this far.
My footsteps trace my path;
Through ravines and snares.

Looking ahead.
There is far to go.
And likely many difficulties,
Hidden from view.

I look to the heavens
And ask a question,
Make a plea,
For the umpteenth time.

“Give me wings
To fly to the top.”
“Give me strength
To leap the chasms.”

“Allow me to move forward
In great leaps and bounds.”
“Remove the obstacles,
And smooth my path.”

It doesn’t work that way.
It is not that easy
Nor that convenient.
Else, what would be the point?

The path to manhood,
To settling down
To fatherhood,
To peace, safety, and perfection

This is a path that must refine;
There can be no shortcuts.
Progress is made
One infuriating step at a time.

There will be strength and help.
We will meet others along the way.
Along with the trials,
Friendship and love in abundance.

And so I look up and forward.
I take this step, then the next
The first of many that will not stop me.
I face the challenges – it will be worth it!

For many years I had been looking for a singular moment to show me that I had become a righteous man. I hoped for one of those scriptural moments when God gives you power to save a life or create a miracle. And then for years I was continually disappointed when that moment failed to come. I now know that those moments are far less important than I thought. Of course a life is worth saving, and given the opportunity I would do whatever God asked of me to help another, but I do not need that moment to be happy. Happiness comes from striving forward on the path to God, and taking that path one step at a time as you encounter obstacles and trials. I no longer count how many steps are required of me to reach a distant point, I take encouragement from the many steps behind me and continue to put one happy foot in front of me.

~R.L. Drembic, 24, writer

Copyright © 2015 Excellence Reporter

Categories: Life, Poetry

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